Divorce is unpleasant business no matter how you look at it. But provided that the situation with your soon-to-be-ex isn’t acrimonious and you both agree that no one person was at fault, but your simply not “right” together, it IS possible to remain friends once you both sign on the dotted line.

First of all, consider that no one wants to admit that they failed at something – especially marriage! The healthiest way to let go of the past and move on towards your future happiness is to accept that you both did your best and not to lay blame.

While it may sound a little easier said then done, here are four steps that will help you move through this difficult time and remain on good terms with your ex-spouse:

Step #1: Let it go

The best way to remain friends with your ex is to stop dwelling on your past relationship. This can be more difficult if you have children because they will be spending time with your ex, and for most people, the temptation to ask about what is happening in his or her life can be overwhelming!

Naturally the first question you should bite your tongue to keep from asking will be if he or she is seeing anyone. This may be difficult, since it’s understandable that you will be curious, don’t let the “jealousy monster” take you over and sap your precious energy! Instead, consider reaching out to a friend if you feel the need to vent.

Step #2: Be the “Bigger” Person

First and foremost, remember to respect yourself and respect your children. This means respecting your word and not using it to say hurtful things about your ex-spouse in front of your children or any mutual friends the two of you may have.

What transpired between you and your ex-spouse is between the two of you, and avoid “airing your dirty laundry” in public in an attempt to make your ex look bad. Respect yourself enough to hold your head up high and protect yourself and your children from negativity. Step #3: Get Help If You Need It If you are having a hard time getting over your split, know that for many people, this is one of the most difficult life experiences one can go through. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Consider contacting a professional therapist who will work with you to cope with your feelings and move forward towards what’s next for you. Step #4: Give Yourself the Gift of Space When you are freshly divorced, the best thing you can do whether you have children or not is to give yourself time to be away from the situation.

Consider putting some space between you and your ex. This doesn’t mean that you have to physically go somewhere – just make a point of staying away from areas where you know you’ll run into him or her. You’re not conceding anything or hiding out, rather you’re taking care of your emotional well-being while you are still healing. Do this for yourself. If you have children and you need to arrange picking them up or dropping them off for time with your ex, consider asking a trusted relative or friend do this for you for a month or two so that you can have some space from the situation.

It’s a cliché, but it is very true that time heals all wounds, so give yourself the time to heal and get a fresh perspective on life. Soon, you’ll be stronger, happier, and more grounded that you know, and much more equipped to create a more amicable relationship with your ex-partner.