Separation and Divorce Support » Books

Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce

admin — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 02:22:32 +0000

The most practical– and legal — companion through divorce ever published.

Like most people who are going through a separation or divorce, you’re probably wondering “What’s next?” at every turn.

So turn to Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce for clear answers that can help make your divorce simpler and reduce your expenses. With compassion and understanding, Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce will help you:

# understand the divorce process
# work with mediators or lawyers
# avoid expensive and painful court battles
# figure out alimony
# establish child custody and visitation
# determine child support
# divide money and property fairly
# draft a marital settlement agreement
# deal with divorce emergencies
# address post-divorce issues, and
# find helpful resources.

On every page, this book stresses the importance of minimizing conflict, explains complex legal problems concisely, and provides advice on how to protect your interests. Plus, easy-to-use charts make it simple to find the divorce laws in your state.

The updated 2nd edition has new information for planning your parenting agreement and includes a new chapter on divorce in military families. While plenty of books out there claim to cover divorce thoroughly, only Nolo consistently delivers clear legal expertise and invaluable insights. Trust Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce to help you through every step.

For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:04:19 +0000

Mavis Hetherington, “without doubt the world’s preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce,…has distilled the wisdom growing out of her many studies of the short-term and long-term impact of divorce on family members” (Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University).

Offering “a welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts,” Hetherington “not only provides scientifically sound and wonderfully sensible guidance but dispels the myth that divorce is always negative” (Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside).

This “widely-heralded study” (Time) is a “reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce” (Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London), presenting a more nuanced picture of marital breakup—not as a momentary event but as a life process.
Hetherington identifies the kinds of marriages that predispose a couple to divorce or not and also pinpoints “windows of change” that allow some to fashion the challenges of divorce into an opportunity for themselves and for their children.

For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered

The Switching Hour: Kids of Divorce Say Good-bye Again

admin — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:18:47 +0000

Product Description

“In this readable and practical book, Dr. Flesberg addresses the needs of approximately 18-20 million children under age 18 who face parental divorce with lifestyle changes in the liminal place known as the “switching hour.” The “switching hour” is Flesberg’s term for the psychological, physical, and spiritual space between the respective homes of divorced parents measured by clock time as well as the context and lifestyle in which these children seek to balance the different ways of being that these homes represent. The book invites parents, grandparents, other relatives, and caregivers to enter responsibly into the world of the children of divorce.

“Chapters 1-7 begin with a child’s letter. These letters plus intermingled vignettes lead the reader to connect with the soul and angst of each child. For Dr. Flesberg this connection is a prerequisite to the reader’s responding redemptively to these children of divorce. Each chapter illustrates and defines the needs of children of divorce and then offers guidelines for appropriate response. A suggested reading list is included in the final chapter. This is useful for personal or group reflection.

“Her use of the children’s narratives is diverse and compelling. Seminal themes and commentary are clinically accurate and creatively presented. The caring guidelines for response are well thought out and useable. The book is theologically sound, interfaith sensitive and inclusive, and gracious to the reader. This reader was touched profoundly by the uniqueness yet commonality of the children’s stories. The Switching Hour offers hope and suggestions to those who seek to care responsibly and effectively for children of divorce.”

James W. Pruett, Ph.D.; D.Min.; LMFT; LPC; CFBPPC

Product Details

Amazon Sales Rank: #27500 in Books
Published on: 2008-01-01
Original language: English
Number of items: 1
Binding: Hardcover
128 pages

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
While underdeveloped, this well-intentioned attempt at listening to the heartbreaking voices of children of divorce struggle between two households merits some serious attention. A pastor and counselor in Nashville, Tenn., Flesberg offers eight brief chapters delineating the conflicts children express, in letters and quotes, as they are literally torn between lives with mothers and fathers, lost in the liminal place somewhere in between. They bemoan not seeing both parents every day and having constantly to move between two places they are supposed to call home. They express frustration at always being in a state of expectation, guilt and sometimes terrible disappointment, such as when a parent doesn’t show up. The children do not look forward to stressful holidays, deflecting attacks by one parent at another or having to accept new step-family. As well, children relay their questions and confusions regarding their relations with God, Christian or otherwise. In review chapters and checklists, Flesberg gears this guidebook toward divorced parents who need and want to ease their children’s bewilderment and distress. There is a great deal of important information, although it deserves much more development than this slim book provides. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From the Publisher
“To read…Dr. Flesberg is to be confident that our children in our homes, churches and synagogues will be loved, protected, listened to, and cared for during their parents divorce and all the years following…There is real healing on these pages. This book is a warm coat in a chilling wind. It fulfills an urgent need in our homes and faith communities…As clergy, The Switching Hour is my first choice to support a family through divorce and the years that follow.”
–April Ulring Larson, Bishop of the LaCrosse, Wisconsin Area of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

“Flesberg’s genius is her ability to pack a great deal of information for parents, educators, counselors and clergy into a short, easily accessible and wlel-organized book. As a rabbi, I now have much better insight into the trauma these children face. The author encourages clergy of all faiths to embrace the important role they have in helping these wounded children voice their fears and concerns of both God and their world. As a therapist, the book called attention to the heartbreaking separation anxiety faced by each of these children over and again. Within days of reading The Switching Hour, I shared many bits of its wisdom with single parents in my practice and ministry. Flesberg vigilantly keeps her spotlight of inquiry on the hearts and pains of these unique children. Yet her message is a human one, reaching far beyond this specific population. I heartily recommend the book to all thirsting for a deeper understanding of both the internal and external emotional lives of children of all circumstances.
–Ari Fridkis, NYC, Rabbi, LCSW

Customer Reviews

Powerful and applicable to all.
This powerful and thought provoking book should be required reading for all divorcing couples with children. It is truly applicable to anyone touched by divorce and with the current divorce statistics that likely includes everyone. Dr. Flesberg has given us insight into the child’s world, enabling us to develop compassion and then to take action. It is an easy read, but their is nothing simple about this book or topic. I only wish it had been available 15 years ago to help guide me and my child through the “switching hours”. I have already bought several copies to give to friends and fellow counselors.

long overdue
Dr. Flesberg has produced a book which meets the needs of working professionals, parents, and parents who are working professionals! It is well written and researched. I have already begun using this in the parish. I heartily recommend this book to anyone who loves kids, loves parents, or both.

The Rev. Lewis A. Groce
Trinity Church
Tullahoma TN

An important and accessible contribution
Dr Flesberg has condensed many years of pastoral experience and academic research into this small, practical, accessibly written book which can be confidently placed in the hands of busy parents, pastors, and anyone else who cares about children. A skilled teacher, she guides the reader into empathetic understanding of the experience of children of divorced parents, and provides clear, wise suggestions for how to help. I have already recommended The Switching Hour to a number of friends and relatives, and will continue to do so.

To order or for more information…Separation and Divorce Support – The Switching Hour: Kids of Divorce Say Good-bye Again

Book Review: Divorce Buddy System by J. Richard Kulerski, J.D.

admin — Mon, 25 May 2009 21:15:52 +0000

Book Review: Divorce Buddy System by J. Richard Kulerski, J.D. by Simon Barrett

The Real Secret To A Reasonable DivorceGoing through a divorce can be an acrimonious event, the public airing of those nasty skeletons in the closet. The major problem is often that the divorcing couple are so wrapped up in perceived injustice, and blind with rage that they cannot see the harm they are inflicting not only on themselves but on those around them.

J. Richard Kulerski is a divorce lawyer with 40 years experience, he has seen it all, the term ‘Been there, done that’, springs to mind.

Divorce Buddy System takes a look inside the process of divorce, not from the legal mechanics, but rather the mental dynamics that come into play.

I think I can sum up the entire book with the title of one single chapter:

Divorce Court Is No Place For A Divorce

So many people think that having that day in court will right the perceived wrongs, the kindly Judge will listen patiently to the litany of wrongdoings by the other partner. Wrong, he could care less, and even if he did care there is nothing that he can do, he is bound by stringent legal rules that he can not veer from. He must look at the facts and act accordingly. That is his job, and he performs it with dispassion.

Divorce Buddy System stresses that it is so much better to try and be reasonable, and negotiate with your partner. Think about it, why on earth would you want a stranger to make what can be long term decisions, it could be about, money, it could be about the custody of your children, or even the always thorny subject of visitation. Sure the Judge is happy to make these determinations, but he does not know you, he does not know your background, he is just doing his job.

By keeping the legal system out of the loop you can come up with a set of rules that suit you and your unique situation. There is also the aspect of splitting up the assets, lets for one moment assume that you have $100,000, by the time the wrangling is over, you likely will have just about enough to buy a hamburger! Think I am joking? It is not uncommon for the legal costs to exceed that sum if both parties are really hell bent on revenge.

Divorce Buddy System should be enforced reading material for anyone contemplating the huge step of getting a divorce. I found it interesting that a divorce lawyer would write a book taking this stance, in many ways he is saying, don’t give me your money, keep it in your own pockets. In fact he goes so far as to pose the question:

Who’s college tuition do you want to pay for? Your kids or the lawyers?

Wise words indeed.

Actually I found this book to have great advice not for just people engaged in divorce, but as a general guide to the art of negotiation. So few people understand how to negotiate well. yet it is a skill that can serve you well both in and out of the workforce. Although, if you are happily married and leave this on the nightstand you might get a few funny looks from your spouse

You can get your copy of Divorce Buddy System from Amazon. There is also a web site to accompany the book.

About the Author

Simon Barrett is the senior editor for Blogger News Net and maintains a personal blog at Simon B. Now semi retired in the depths of Mississippi he has plenty of time to read books by up and coming authors.

Keeping Kids Out of the Middle: Child-Centered Parenting in the Midst of Conflict, Separation, and Divorce

admin — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 23:02:57 +0000

When co-parents conflict, their kids get caught in the middle. They become ‘adultified,’ infantilized, and alienated. They’re made into messengers and spies, implicitly forced to grow up too fast or to remain needy for much too long. The antidote: practicing child-centered parenting–consistently creating parenting plans and conflict resolution strategies that genuinely meet children’s emotional and psychological needs–first and foremost and for the rest of their lives.

Keeping Kids out of the Middle is not about divorce, and it’s not about you. It is about your kids. This eye-opening and highly pragmatic book is a here-and-now guide toward better understanding and meeting the needs of your children. You will learn what child-centered parenting is, how to implement it productively, and how to communicate effectively with your parenting partners, no matter the legal status of your relationship, the distance between your homes, or the quality of your intimate relationship.

In Keeping Kids out of the Middle, child psychologist and state certified Guardian ad litem Benjamin Garber offers parents a radically new perspective on co-parenting in the midst of relationship conflict and teaches co-parents how to build a consistent, healthy environment for their children through the art of ’scripting,’ establish better means of communicating and communication styles, and create parenting plans that help keep children protected. Thisis your guide to putting your children’s needs first and giving them the safety net they must have in order to become healthy adults who are able themselves, to some day, keep their own kids out of the middle.

Separation and Divorce Support – Keeping Kids Out of the Middle: Child-Centered Parenting in the Midst of Conflict, Separation, and Divorce

Custody Wars

admin — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 11:22:17 +0000

How should the courts decide custody cases that involve adoption, divorce, and single parenting?

Should an abusive husband be given custody of his child? What about unwed fathers? Gay parents?

How much say should young children have in court? In this text, family lawyer and historian, Mary Ann Mason, casts a harsh spotlight on these and other aspects of child custody.

She argues that the legal shift to “equal treatment” of men and women has translated into parents’ rights taking precedence over children’s needs. Mason insists that fairness to parents must not come at the expense of children.

Drawing on a wealth of legal cases and research, Mason presents a bold programme for reform that aims to change the terms of debate about child custody cases.

More Information…Separation and Divorce Support – Custody Wars

Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More

admin — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 11:20:15 +0000

Your’e getting divorced. You want out or he wants out, either way youre tempted to bend over backward just to get it over with. The result: You get screwed. How screwed? Consider this:

The average woman experiences a 45 percent drop in her standard of living after divorce
45 percent of children living with a divorced mother live at or near the poverty line
Only about 45 percent of custodial parents due child support payments receive the full amount

In Hit Him Where It Hurts, acclaimed matrimonial attorney Sherri Donovan shows you how to take the offensive in the bloody game we call divorce. With her take-no-prisoners approach, you can ensure that you will gain your freedom without sacrificing your health, your wealth, or your well-beingÑor that of your children.

Separation and Divorce Support – Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More