Separation and Divorce Support

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 21:35:16 +0000

A friend lent me this book when my husband left me and I was in the depths of dispair. I was reading anything I could find to try and help me understand, but this is the one book that really helped. I latched onto it like a life-preserver to a drowning person. I have read each chapter several times now, and keep getting more out of it as I progress in my healing. I returned my friend’s copy and bought my own (which I have now in turn lent to a friend in need.)

One of the revelations I found comforting was simply to know what the physical symptoms of grief are – that my sore throat, my aching chest and my dry mouth were all manifestations of my emotional trauma.

This book felt like I was talking to a friend who had been there and back, and could take me by the hand through the healing process and help me find my way back to joy. Please read it if you are hurting from the loss of a relationship – it will comfort you a great deal and help you move forward constructively. Then lend it to someone you know who could be helped by it.

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 21:28:16 +0000

Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop–now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States–is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helps kids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games, poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. The book is also packed full of suggestions on everything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (it differs according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.

Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he is technically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate of every member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approach and believes that children need not be permanently scarred by divorce–that with work and time, divorce can actually become a positive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting children caught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce should be required reading in all divorcing families. –Ericka Lutz

Men and Separation – Navigating the Future

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:46:03 +0000

A guide for men going through a
separation or divorce, or for those who are supporting a man who is
experiencing separation. PDF format.

Click here to get the file

Size

1.1 MB

File type

application/pdf

Become drug free or lose custody

admin — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 05:16:30 +0000

A magistrate cited Harry Potter’s entanglement with evil in his warning to a marijuana-smoking mother, writes Kim Arlington.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley had Hermione Granger to help them out of trouble; a mother with a weakness for marijuana has the prospect of losing custody of her child to keep her on the straight and narrow.

A federal magistrate drew parallels between the fictional characters and the mother’s marijuana use when ruling on the child’s care.

Known by the pseudonym Ms Cannon, the woman has a five-year-old son with her estranged husband. She admitted smoking marijuana occasionally, when the child was not in her care. But the boy’s father, Mr Cannon, was concerned by her drug use and supposed lack of attention to their son’s welfare. He wanted his son to move in with him.

The magistrate, Warwick Neville, last week ruled the boy should live with his mother – but she must undergo drug testing. If she returns two positive tests three times within three months, the boy will live with his father, and have supervised visits with Ms Cannon until she remains drug-free for 12 months.

Conceding it was an imperfect analogy, Mr Neville likened Ms Cannon to Harry and Ron, the boy wizards who, in the first of J. K. Rowling’s bestselling books, get caught in a twisting vine called the Devil’s Snare.

“The harder they struggle, the more tightly they are ensnared,” Mr Neville said. Their rescue, ”courtesy of their valiant friend, Hermione Granger, comes via the shedding of light on the treacherous vine. Like these characters and their plight, it seems to me that Ms Cannon requires some assistance to ‘kick this habit’ and break free of the ensnarement of this different form of vegetation.”

Help for Ms Cannon was ”not provided by a spell from Miss Granger, but the requirement to undertake monthly drug testing for 18 months” – including urine and hair follicle tests.

While accepting Ms Cannon was a committed mother, Mr Neville said her responsibility as a parent ”must take precedence over any fleeting enjoyment or escape provided by her sometime use of marijuana”.

There was no evidence the boy had suffered any harm in his mother’s care. However, Mr Neville was concerned by Mr Cannon’s hyper-vigilant, “almost obsessive parenting”, saying it risked smothering the boy. “What might be described as over-protective or claustrophobic parenting can cause as many problems as it seeks to prevent.”

The Federal Magistrates Court in Canberra heard Mr Cannon only wanted the best for his son, moving from Sydney to Canberra to be closer to him. But “his intensity, together with his ongoing mistrust of Ms Cannon, makes for a rather potent parenting cocktail”, Mr Neville said.

Believing Ms Cannon was using drugs, Mr Cannon had their son drug-tested without her knowledge. He also complained about her giving the boy food with artificial colouring.

2 year good behaviour bond for denying access

admin — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 20:47:41 +0000

A mother has been placed on a two-year good behaviour bond for ignoring court orders giving her former husband access to their children.

Known by the pseudonyms Mr and Ms Demarchis, the couple separated in 2001. She won custody of their three children, and a court ordered they spend regular time with their father. But Ms Demarchis repeatedly contravened the orders and the father has not spent time with his children since August 2008.

”This is a most complex, difficult and ultimately sad case,” the federal magistrate Evelyn Bender said.

The parents do not speak and want to avoid any future interaction, the Federal Magistrates Court in Melbourne heard.

The children, now aged 19, 15 and 11, did not want to spend time with him. They described their father as selfish, rigid and uninterested.

”It was the wife’s evidence that she has, over the years, tried to encourage the children to have a positive relationship with their father, but that his ongoing lack of interest and participation in their lives has resulted in the children making the decision that they no longer wish to spend time with him,” Ms Bender said.

Mr Demarchis, however, did not concede that his behaviour or parenting style contributed to the breakdown.

Although the court directed Ms Demarchis to make sure the children’s mobile phones were charged and had enough credit to speak to their father each Wednesday, she failed to facilitate and encourage the calls.

She failed to make the children available for visits with their father, taking them to the beach and, on one occasion, avoiding him by driving to a town the children randomly entered into their sat nav.

An independent family consultant reported that the children’s reluctance to spend time with their father was due to his lack of emotional availability and rigid parenting style, but also the mother’s failure to support their relationship with him.

”The way forward in this matter rests very much in the attitudes of the parents and in their ability to accept responsibility for their own behaviours,” Ms Bender said.

She put Ms Demarchis on a good-behaviour bond, to pay $3000 for any breach, and ordered Mr Demarchis into counselling to improve his parenting strategies.

Source…Mother on bond for ignoring access order

Deal With Step Children During Divorce

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 02:48:33 +0000

Stepchildren
very often are overlooked during a divorce. This can be very damaging
to them. If you have a strong bond to these children, the pain of
separation will be no less than if they were your own children.

Steps

Treat them no differently than your own. They may need more love than your biological child since this is their second divorce.
If you are trying to protect your children from an abusive spouse, also protect your step children identically.
Understand that it’s difficult not to be angry during divorce, but you have to succeed for the sake of your children.

Related Tips and Steps

Retrieved from “http://tipsandsteps.com/index.php?title=Deal_With_Step_Children_During_Divorce“

Deal With Children in a Divorce Situation

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 02:43:36 +0000

Dealing with children in divorce means thinking like a child while acting like an adult..

Steps

Try to see your ex through their eyes — as their mother/father.
Remember that you will probably have to deal with your ex for the rest of their dependent lives. Try to make the best of it.
Envision a happy life and healthy future for them.
Think of the benefits of the divorce — such as parents being happier apart and less fighting.
Talk with your ex about continuing toward the original goals you shared in having children.
Broach the divorce to the children together, if your ex is willing.
Encourage them to tell you how they feel about it.
Do not take their anger personally.
Try to maintain discipline using the same rules and structure
as prior to the divorce, unless those rules and structures were a cause
for the divorce.
Spoil them with attention, not things.

Tips

Accept your ex’s limitations.
Expect bad behavior from your children.
Remember to tell your children that you love them and always will, even when you’re angry.
Scientific studies show that the #1 cause of maladjusted kids
is conflict between the parents. Even if your marital/romantic
relationship has ended, you need to be partners in parenting for the
sake of the children both of you love.
try to tell your children the truth, they will find it out
eventually and resent you for any lies no matter how well intentioned
they were.
Put as much effort into your relationship with your ex as you would if you were together. be good exes, it can work with work.
remember when you embark on divorce that you will have to deal
with your kids relationship to any other person you have a relationship
with. It is not easy, it takes a special person to deal step children.
you, as a woman, will probably be alone until your kids leave home.Then
you will be an older woman and all that stuff is much harder.
Meanwhiles,your ex will not have that problem and he will settle down
and have more kids. If you think that you can handle this and still be
friends with him go for it. If not patch up that relationship cos, if
you can both work on it, it might just make life nicer.
put serious work into making your relationship with your ex
work. your kids feelings are more imortant than your silly point
scoring. Share present giving so there is no competition.give 50/ 50
money to Christmas and birthdays despite anything. do not give your
child anything to resent you for. they will find plenty when they are
teenagers no matter what you do.

Warnings

Don’t badmouth your ex in front of your children
If you do badmouth your ex, apologize to them
Don’t use your children to get back at your ex; your children
love both of you the same, using them against your ex, is like having
them choose which parent they love the most.
Most of the time, in divorce situations, somehow the children
are overlooked, almost forgotten. The adults are so wrapped up in who
gets what, that they don’t realize how bad they are hurting their
child(ren). Be sure to explain to your child, that they are still loved
by both of you, and don’t fight or argue in front of them. Be an adult
in this situation, and be strong for your child.

Retrieved from “http://tipsandsteps.com/index.php?title=Deal_With_Children_in_a_Divorce_Situation“

Divorce Your Abusive Husband

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 23:59:33 +0000

The
mental part of abuse is insidious. If your husband is abusive, you
don’t have to have his permission to get divorced. What you have to do
is learn to separate his put-downs and control from reality, be very
careful of your own physical and mental safety, and be prepared to give
up some security.

Steps

BELIEVE that you have choices.
Think about where you want to go and what you want to do.
Have a plan. It’s not wrong to have dreams and believe you’re worth
having a good life. Break it down into manageable steps: the short term
(getting away safely) and the longer term (getting a decent job,
whatever…).
Find a shelter or women’s center with people who can counsel
you discreetly. Some places will help you even if you have children,
but most will at least be conduits to other agencies who can help. They
may be able to put you onto Legal Aid sources who can get you a lawyer.
They will know about job training programs if you need one. They may be
able to help with childcare or a transitional residence where you’ll be
away and safe.
Prepare without telling your husband or anyone who might
tell him. Be smart enough to not even give him subtle clues. Don’t
circle the shelter’s phone number and leave it by the phone! If you
look up a place online, be sure to delete it from your History file
before you log off.
Get counseling. The shelter/women’s centers will have leads
on that too. When you’re abused, your self-esteem is so wrecked that
your reasoning is flawed. You need to listen to someone who knows about
such things and be prepared to take their advice. Sure, even those
people make mistakes sometimes, but you must learn to put your own
welfare #1 on the list and that means letting go of what the abuser has
“sold” you to keep you under his thumb. Don’t let him take over your
life.
Remember that this is YOUR life that is at stake. If he’s
physically abusive, it’s well established that the levels of violence
will escalate. Sure, he promises it will never happen again, and you
have a nice time for a bit, but the cycles ALWAYS repeat themselves.
After a beating you might end up permanently scarred or brain-damaged
or maimed or even dead. What use will his promises be then?

Tips

Tell a friend about the abuse and have a code so they know when to call the police.
If you have family you trust to help, enlist their aid too.
You may be ashamed of your choices and reluctant to ask for help, but
ask anyhow. If they can’t or won’t help, don’t let that stop you.
Make sure you have a list of important numbers in your
wallet, or store important information on a Yahoo! (or similar) account
where you can reach it anywhere. Assume you won’t be able to go back
home to pick up anything once you make the break.
Have a friend or family member (outside of the home) keep a
calender to record what happens. Show them if you have bruises and
don’t hide it. This is what really tells the jury what is happening.
Be realistic. Take responsibility. Don’t be a victim. Believe
in yourself: seek out professional counseling with a psychologist, you
can learn new ways to live and recover. Give yourself time.
It will go easier if you leave with a plan, a place to go
already lined up, etc. BUT if you feel as if you’re in danger, don’t
hesitate, RUN!

Warnings

Even if you believe that your abuser loves you, and you love
him, the only solution is to remove yourself from the situation. You do
not “fix” abusers.
Call the police if you’re physically abused. First, you need
to establish a record of the abuse. The authorities also know where you
can go to get away. NEVER put up with violence. It always escalates and
women do die.
Your life won’t be perfect after you get away. In the USA we
do not take care of our own particularly well. Social programs struggle
to stay afloat. You may not be able to live financially the way you
used to. But you will LIVE.

Related Tips and Steps

Retrieved from “http://tipsandsteps.com/index.php?title=Divorce_Your_Abusive_Husband“

Category: Divorce

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Child Support Survival Guide

admin — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 20:15:34 +0000

Child Support Survival Guide is a vital companion and reference for anyone, rich or poor, concerned with child support. It will teach custodial and noncustodial parents, as well as legal guardians, their options. It will provide solutions to parents seeking owed child support and choices to parents fretting the child support they pay. It is also an excellent reference for any Child Support of Family Law Attorney.

Child Custody, Visitation and Support in Texas

admin — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 20:04:13 +0000

With the divorce rate in the United States above 50%, more parents are being faced with difficult situations involving their children. Whether it’s difficulty seeing them on a regular basis, being denied visitation altogether, watching their children be neglected or abused, not receiving enough child support, or not receiving any monetary support at all, parents increasingly find themselves in the court debating issues that involve their children. This book is designed to let parents know their legal rights and help them take their case through the court system.

In simple language, this book tells you:

–How to get custody in Texas
–How to understand Texas family court procedure
–How to modify a custody, visitation, or support order
–How to take in case of kidnapping or abuse
–How to get sole or joint custody
–How to terminated parental rights
–How to calculate child support in Texas
–How to prove paternity