My daughters sometimes came home laughing and lighthearted after a weekend visit with their mom. I would listen to them cavorting, and while I was happy for them that they’d enjoyed their time with her, until after my therapy work, I used to fuss and cluck inside my own head about it. “Oh sure, go and have fun while I’m stuck here with laundry and house cleaning.” “She doesn’t have to make them toe the line for anything. All they do is have fun visiting her.” “I wish our times together were just fun and laughter, but no, I’m the one who has to make them get their homework done, or do the dishes after supper when they want to whine.”

I know, I know, it was a pity party and I had a small violin to accompany myself too.  I know for a fact there were times when my own negative emotions seeped right out through my own mouth, but I know for the most part, I tried to keep them inside my own mind.

You may wonder why it’s not a good idea to indulge in that kind of thinking because you know you do it too? Well, I have several good reasons.

1) I needed to grow up. You probably do too. What possible good can come from laying this one all over your kids’ good time? Nothing. You just add guilt.

2) The kids were unaware of my situation and they didn’t need to be right at that moment. They would gain that insight soon enough, and right now was not a good time.

3) Kids deserve to have lighthearted, simple joy in their lives. They need to be “in the moment” and when the moment is filled with joy, well, why would you want to disturb that?

4) The reasons for the divorce had nothing to do with your children. Don’t lay your work off on to them. If you struggle with their joy, go get some help to restore the joy to your own life so you can have those joy-filled moments with them too. You deserve it as much as they do.

5) The maturity to keep your problems to yourself and not share them with your kids provides a life-long benefit to your children. They might assume those problems as theirs to solve, and you wouldn’t want to place that burden on them. You can confide in your friends if you need to sound it out, and that way your kids will grow up in due time without your bummer emotions.