Your not my Dad – Read the problem and the solution
October 20, 2009 by admin
Filed under Shared Parenting
The problem
Melissa, 42, and her son and daughter moved in with John last Christmas and as far as she was concerned it was all going well. John contacted me because, behind her back, the 15-year-old boy had been rude and aggressive towards him and had started to tell him: “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad!” Which was rich, 44-year-old John said, considering that the boy’s father showed no interest in them and was rarely in touch.
The bigger picture
That could be part of the problem, I told him. “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad” is a very common stepfamily issue and sometimes it is a heartfelt objection to someone trying to take the place of a missing parent. But it’s often not the challenge it appears to be. What it may really mean is “My family has broken up and I’m really cut up about it. I can’t tell my missing parent what I feel because that might make it worse. So I’m going to offload all my anger and pain on you.”