Children- The True Victim Of Divorce

Children- The True Victim Of Divorce by Ruth Purple

The family
is the basic unit of society and every care should be taken to preserve
it by the state, church and the family itself. However, if counseling
and reconciliation cannot solve the conflict within the family, divorce
maybe seen as the best solution. To couples with kids however the
situation is much more complex as compared to childless couples.
Divorce can be devastating to the children and may leave a long-lasting
scar that may affect their being useful citizens of the community.
During the divorce process, the offspring’s will go through emotional
conflicts. Anger is prevalent. Anger at the present condition, anger
towards their parents, themselves and some may feel that they are to at
fault for the separation.

Feelings of sadness, misery and loss
are felt because there will be changes in where they will live. They
will lose the other parent, their friends, their school, people and
circumstances that stabilize their daily lives. They will feel
rejection. Studies have shown that boys and girls are affected
differently and respond in various manners. Boys are more rowdy because
they have to show and act out their inner feelings. They go on fights,
they are defiant. They cause disturbances and would not be still even
for a short period of time. They are the ones who will turn to drugs
and alcohol.

They girls on the other hand suffer inwardly and
become introverts. They are apprehensive and miserable. Thus they turn
to untimely relationships or sexual promiscuity that may lead to early
pregnancy or early marriage. Thus if not guided accordingly these
children tend to stop school and will waste themselves into substance
abuse. They will become citizens with emotional and mental illnesses,
criminals or discards of society. To save the children, the parents
should have the obligation to guide their children through the divorce
process and for a period after that until their emotional conflicts
have been resolved. They should subdue their own emotion turmoil and
together try to show the same affection and devotion for the children.

Explain
to the kids to make them understand why the parents have to go on their
separate ways. They have to be assured that they are in secured hands
despite the changes in the family set-up. During the divorce
proceedings, the couple should be civil with each other because this
will also have a bearing in alleviating the negative feelings of the
children. It will slowly enfold in their understanding that they are
undergoing a process and a change but they will still have their both
parents. After the divorce has been finalized, visitation of
non-custodial parent should be encouraged and made a positive
experience to everyone.

The children can then accept the
situation gradually and will cope with the changes in their lives. On
the other hand, the non-custodial parent is also encouraged to have a
hand in the affairs of the child and will be a constant partner in
guiding the growth of the children. Divorce however does not generally
leave negative reaction from children. In families where there are
constant conflicts, physical and verbal abuse, the children themselves
will welcome the situation that their parents will be separating. They
will be relieved by the daily stress and problems undergone by their
parents. It is the children of the families that are not at odds or
fight with each other that are mostly overwhelmed by the situation.

About the Author

The author of this article, Ruth Purple
, is a Relationship Expert who has been successfully coaching
individuals and couples in their relationships. Get A Copy of her
sensational ebook on Winning Over Infidelity. Experience a Happier Love Life.